Divorce papers.......sigh.......

I'm still trying to figure out why....when we make RIGHT choices in our lives.....that they just DON'T feel good?
As I look at this last 13 years divided up in black & white. COLD.....reduced to the separation of STUFF.
Bittersweet........sad.......exciting.......freeing......

I still can't believe all the emotions flowing through me. Good day...not so good day... Great day.... panic attack.......blissful moment.......FEAR.......moments of feeling so grateful that I cry to...... I am so incredibly blessed. I am blessed because I'm FEELING.......EVERYTHING. Every time I FEEL an emotion I GET to feel it. I hug myself & allow.........

I'm finding out so much about ME.
I'm so complicated & yet so simple.
I am KIND...... really KIND. I really do wish the best for all those around me & the best part is I now know that I am worth the BEST also.
I'm scheduled & more tidy then I realized. My house in chaos doesn't make me FEEL GOOD.
Dirty dishes on the counter causes me stress.
I don't care that I don't make my bed & I really don't want a TV in the bedroom. I never had one before this marriage & haven't watched it since he has left.
I really do LOVE to cook.
I do miss not sleeping with someone. I like the feeling of our bodies touching. (NOT that that has happened in a REALLY long time but I do have some faint memory. lol)
I want to lie on the couch with someone.
OH & NO LAZY BOYS!!! That is a deal breaker. That is something that I won't allow in my next relationship. That says to me "Relationship is OVER".

I'm just ............ healing.............
Healing my heart.......feeling MY heart....... Loving ME.

My "Happy Space" is the last room left downstairs to clean & organize. I'm proud that I have gotten so much done. It FEELS GOOD.

I'm in a little funk & that's OK because I know that "this too shall pass".

OH & "HIM"...... he's still in my mind's eye. Taking his time, as I am taking mine. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that it's ALL in Crazy Divine Order. NOT in MY time....but in Life's/God's time & most days I'm OK with that. Other times.......I just want to hit him over the head & say "I'm ready NOW" then I realize that I'm NOT. That I really need this alone time to heal & feel. So, I'm grateful that it is the way it is NOW. GRATEFUL!

Patricia