Sometimes...you have to LIVE life to write about it!

Time really does past by so quickly!
I've been busy in MY discovery of ME. Shedding unwanted & unwarranted parts of my being that no longer serve my highest & best good. Man, we are so hard on ourSELF!

I joined a meetup group. A woman, Gina, read the Secret last year & it changed her life.
I immediately knew I was to join the group when I saw her picture.
It has been a great experience surrounded by others who "think & believe" similar to ME.
When I logged into the meetup.com site I was going to start a group of my own. I'm not even certain "how" HER group popped up in front of me. It's one of those "divine intervention" things.
We meet on Saturday afternoons.

On Sunday I go to the "new thought" church. LOVE the minister Mary Lou! She taught the bible in the christian teaching for about 25 years & as the story goes "The bible OPENED up to her" in a twinkling of an eye, she realized what she had been teaching was so FAR from the truth of it's hidden meaning. http://www.newbeginningministries.com/ That's her website.

As I Am living life just BREATHING...I remember being in my marriage just holding my breath...
I KNEW I had to "work on me" during the transition of it. I wanted to "live" my understanding of LIFE. I AM
I feel as though I walked through the fire in the belly of the dragon & I emerged WHOLE!
I remember typing & being in gratitude for our experience together however I still had "that feeling". Where my whole body was decompressing & expanding into ME. There was still a "fear" being held IN my body. A nervousness about my being but something deep inside me was keeping me from EXPLODING. Day by day the decompression has happened & NOW I'm more ME!
I AM free! I have freed my own soul from my own judgments, criticisms & unwarranted thoughts about "who" I AM.

During a conversation with Gina I mentioned that I was "thinking" about opening my home on Wednesday's for US to gather to have a place of support & respite. A space of LOVE to continue uplifting ourselves. "PERFECT Wednesday's LOVE infusion" was born. I honestly thought that I'd have about 6-8 of US however more & more individuals keep showing up. LOL There's about 25 that share in a dinner & then just share WHO they are.
In every second of LIFE there is much to learn about WHO we each ARE....IF we have the eyes to see. Wednesday has brought to me MORE then I ever expected. It has shown me how loving & excepting I AM. I AM ready to receive the LOVE that I give so freely!

I met a CUTE guy in the meetup. His name is Dan. We dated for a bit. Well, I'm not sure if "dating" is the correct term. Dating would mean that the guy actually took one out. That's why we are NO LONGER dating. LOL Nice guy however NOT my nice guy.
The best part was discovering MORE of ME! I AM in a place where I'm getting closer to what "I" want. What I want in a relationship & want I want out of LIFE!

I also feel SO secure in KNOWING that LIFE has my back & I can trust "it" & ME!
Several weeks had gone by & I was "questioning" myself about my feelings. He is a "nice guy" & I felt as though I'm being short circuited. There were moments when I felt love for him & others when I felt so disconnected.
I was asking myself if I was sabotaging a "good relationship". What is wrong with ME?!!!

Then in ONE moment, it was as if LIFE put it's arms around me & said, "THIS is OVER." No drama, no explanation, no judgment... just done.
No words were spoken the morning he left gathering up some of his things.
The following week we talked a bit but really it was about nothing. I was enjoying my alone time. I had allowed him to "plop" himself in my life & I didn't stop it.

A week later I received an email from him asking "What we were". As I responded saying that I was trying to figure it out myself I was given such clarity about the fact that I WAS to spend some time with ME. ALONE.
I told him that I was blessed by the time we spent together however if LIFE is telling me that I need to be ALONE it would be challenging to BE in a relationship. I released him to explore other relationships.
UH OH.......what I didn't "see" was the "NOT nice guy" part coming. LOL
What rang CLEAR in his emails was the insecure, critical, hurtful part of him.
I AM so HAPPY that I trusted ME! That I listened to ME!
I'm getting that my intuition is SO much smarter then my mind. Sometimes, we just don't have to figure out the WHY but to just be honest with WHAT IS.
Again, I was "trying" to fit my ROUND self into a SQUARE relationship & NOW I KNOW that just isn't going to work for me.
I know NOW that I AM worthy of someone ADORING me just an I AM. I AM worthy of ALL the things that LIFE has in store for me....IF....I can allow it.

Discovering mySELF is a process. It is BETTER then I could have ever imagined!
I ask every day for the COURAGE to be ME. The courage to rid those imagined thoughts of how I "should" be & just be WHO I AM.

I believe that I AM going to turn my home into a Bed & Breakfast...more of an empowerment center. I received the name "Dream Vision". I painted one of the bedrooms & cleared it off all the kids "stuff" that it has been storing.
An author is interested in renting out some space to do a writers workshop.
However, I seem to be in a .....PAUSE....state.
I am not certain why. I can only go with what I "FEEL" in this moment & see how it all unfolds.
I'm tired of fighting with mySELF. It has led me into experiences in my life that were really uncomfortable so I MUST TRUST, ME!

During my ALONE time I discovered my creative side again! Ahhhhhh It feels so GOOD!
With my love of scrapbooking & my love of my Spirituality I started making, what I call, affirmation art. I use my supplies & create wall hanging with quotes. I wonder how it will all unfold.

Right NOW... I AM happy! Peaceful, trusting....ahhhhhhhh
I AM focused on what is directly in front of me. Right NOW it's YOU.
There is such a feeling of LOVE that permeates through me. My dream would be that everyone in the world could feel it. It would change the world, in the twinkling of an eye.
IF we could rid ourselves of all the garbage we hang on to we could LOVE more because we ARE LOVE!

The other day I was driving & all of a sudden I started to talk aloud. I started telling my body how much I loved it! All the things that I LOVE about ME! It felt good!
We spend so much time criticizing ourselves.
We have one body, one personality, one soul........why not just love it!
The following day I was passing by a mirror & turned to mySELF & said, "I just LOVE you!" In that moment I looked into my eyes & said, "I want to SEE ME. The REAL me." With that, my light body slowing showed itSELF to me. It was so beautiful. This part of US that we rarely get to see.
The beautiful energy/soul part of US that we keep covered in this physical reality.

It felt good to get this down.

I know NOW that we are MORE then we can even comprehend.
I know NOW that LIFE is more BEAUTIFUL then we allow ourSELVES to experience.
I know NOW that not everyone is going to PERCEIVE life as I do & I AM so OK with that! LOL
I know NOW that not everyone is going to approve of the way that I DO ME or the decisions that I choose for MY highest & best good.
I know NOW that my choices may in turn cause emotional pain for another HOWEVER we each choose to experience each other in EVERY sacred moment & to deny OUR OWN TRUTH does a disservice to not only ourSELF but to the WHOLE.
For it is never about another getting YOU but us getting ourSELF. In the end, we leave this experience ALONE, taking with US this magical journey & all that we have experienced.

May you experience ALL the JOY & LOVE that LIFE is pulsing through YOU!
Colleen...THIS was written for YOU!

Patricia